i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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