I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
