I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
