Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
