she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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