Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
