i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
