You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
accomplished twins. life is a go
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
