we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
