coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
love makes seman taste better
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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