in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
