Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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