that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
