Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
