I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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