Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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