As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
