so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Alive.
So much puke
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
