woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
