I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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