I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
