dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
