Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
