she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
