I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
