Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
