Banned from zoo.
Again?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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