I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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