i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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