1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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