Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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