..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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