You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
