So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
