Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
