People in love make me want to vomit
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
