im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I need to align my fucking chakras
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Shame is for Republicans.
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