I think I won the penis lottery.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
