i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
