You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
