Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
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