Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
