Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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