i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
