is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
