I understand Curling. That high.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
