That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
