he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
