My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
