forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
