We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
