I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
