So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
