dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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