I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
