Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
