i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
