glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
