My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
