Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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