As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
